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Catfish – Ripper Aussie Summer Ep05

– OI! WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHER [BEEP] ATE ALL THE PASTA SALAD? MY NEW (BEEP) GIRLFRIEND’S COMING OVER AND HER MSN NAME IS ‘KEEN FOR PASTA SALAD’. She clearly loves pasta salad! – Hold the phone, Marky Banany – I didn’t know you had a new bloody girlfriend. What are you doin with a little girlfriend, you naughty boy. – (tongue flaps) -A little kissy too. – Get outta here. – What does she look like man? – Well, uh – I’m not too sure man. because on the downlow. Keep this on the downlow. Keep it between me and you. I met her online. – Whoa, whoa whoa. Whoa. Whoa! Not too sure. Met online. I’m a little fuckhead. – Yeah, and she sh- – I’m Mark I have thrush. – Yeah, and she should be coming through this gate any moment now. (pause) – Mark. (dramatic music) I come with some news of your girlfriend And that news is (pause) I’ve come to meet her. I hope she’s nice. (laughter) – Well, if you’ve come to meet Mark’s girlfriend, you should be shaking (pause) my hand. (dramatic music) It’s the bloody polite thing to do when someone enters the room. You bloody shake their hand. – Oh how do you do, gentleman sir. – Seriously, Mark. Your girlfriend is right there. (dramatic music) No way that’s bloody Zach. I’m just partially blind. – No, Broden’s right. (dramatic music) He Is partially blind. Look! – Ah, hello. Here I am, Broden Kelly. About to drink some [pause] milk. Can’t wait to drink the milk. (extended pause) Oh my God. – Oh. There she is. Hello Mark’s girlfriend. – Zach, that can’t be my girlfriend because that is a MAN– (dramatic music) -Darin. And I’ll tell you what I’d bloody date a man any day but I wouldn’t date a mandarin. It’s citrus. How can you fuck a fruit? – Yeah, true that. (uncomfortable giggles) Hey, is that your girlfriend? (pause) (dramatic music) – You guys like my hair? I just got it did for Christmas. – Damn, Zach. With your hair lookin’ like that I almost wish you were my girlfriend. – Well bad luck, you little shithead ’cause guess who has two thumbs and has a little secret about your girlfriend? Why old Broden Ke– (pause) (screams hysterically) (pause) (indistinct screaming) (horn music) – Nothing to worry about boys. You’ve just lost your baby thumbs! – Gee whiz Mark! Lucky your girlfriend is real and turned out to be a professional thumb doctor. – Too right, Zach. I’m pretty bloody lucky – You’re lucky? Guess you’ve got two thumbs and just found out her internet boyfriend isn’t – – (pause) (screams) (pause) (screams) (Aunty Donna Ripper Aussie Summer theme) – True that. (silence) (clicks) (silence) (clicks) (silence) – [Director] Hey Just move on. (laughter)


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