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Jackbox : Shark Tank

– [Dunk] It’s me, Dunkey.
From the website Here I am playing the hottest game… Oregon Trail In which, I am engaged right now in a hunting sequence. As you can see, I’m trying to acquire enough food for my trip to Seattle. Whoa! What What the What the fuck What the fuck is this? A river? In Oregon Trail™? Put Mario back on… I don’t like this game anymore. Ford or Jump? Come on! What am I, some kind of beginner player? Think I have-? Boooooo!
(Laughs) Boo- (VACUUM OF SPACE) This is a good ass game- See? What did I say? Didn’t I say we would fight a satellite? And you thought I was stupid when I traded all my corn to the Native Americans… …for the upgraded ox. Yeeeeee… (Wheezing laughter) I’m still not even to the other side of the river- Yeah… Def- Definitely should be getting my killstreak any minute here… Ooh.
There we go! Nice big bombing one.
Always nice to get. Oh, look at that! There’s a water level in this- (8-bit machine gun sound) It’s a good thing I brought the machine gun! Oh. Grow up, guys!
(His friends are laughing in the background) Who put “Fucking Dingoldorf”? Come on! – [Leahbee] I mean, I guess. – [Jesse] Oh, this rhymes good with- Oh, you guys-
(They’re all laughing) – “When you’re here, you’re go to Applebee’s”?(Laughing) (They’re still laughing) – [Dunk] Jesse definitely put “Dr. Finger Man”. (Laughs) Yep! (Laughter) Yep! – [Jesse] Come on! (Laughter) – [Dunk] “trade your soul for…” “Jessie’s soul”
(Laughs) (Laughter) – [Jesse] You spelled my name wrong. You spelt it wrong. (Laughter) Gonna have to go to with the other one. – [Dunk] Jesse’s only… (unintelligible)
(laughing) Come on! Come on, guys! Yeeah!
(Laughs) – [Woa] I mean, if people are sleeping on top of a football and someone kicked it You know!
You- That’s just the…. worst case scenario. – [Dunk] All right, all right. Bumblebee shirt. “The future is-” OH, SHIT!
(Laughs) – [Woa] Dang! – [Leah] Wah! – [Woa] Holy shit! – [Dunk] What does that mean?! You know People are always coming up to me:
“Oh, this goose is so large and unwieldly” You know, “What am I gonna do with this?” Finally… (Laughter) Introducing… the all new product… (Laughter) The Goose Stomper. For only 9 payments of $ 9.99 you can utilize this new… technology. – [Woa] Yeah! That-
– [Leah] What’s the tagline? – [Woa] Really makes them compact. – [Jesse] What’s your-
What’s your tagline? (Laughter) – [Sean] I don’t know what I was thinking with this one. – [Leah] What did you-? – [Sean] Uh… But… – [Dunk] Horse Humps. (Laughter) What is that? – [Sean] I drew- I drew a… I drew a camel. But it- (Laughter) – Wow – [Jesse] Aight!
What do you got? – [Dunk] Come On! – [Jesse] What do you have for us? – [Dunk] Bring it home, Ethan. – [iDubbbz- I mean Ethan from H3h3]
So… Have you guys ever had this problem where you shit all over the… interviewer? [Dunk] Ah, yeah! – [Sean] No.
– [Woa] Everyday! – [Jesse] Yeah!
That’s a constant problem to me.
– [Ethan] Well… [Ethan] Introducing… The Relocator. (Laughter) It just hooks up… down below. And… It sends it somewhere else. (Laughter) – [Sean] So, this is a problem that 12 million Americans deal with every year, and it’s a very annoying one at that, but… I have a very easy solution for this… [Dunk] Son of a bitch! [Sean] Normal Cheetos. (They’re all booing the idea) – [Sean] Hey!
They aren’t too bad! Just like this. Just have a Normal Cheetos. – [Dunk] WHY ARE THEY BLUE?! (Someone’s laughing) – [Leah] Well, this one is gonna be way better than that last one… – [Dunk] Thank god! – [Leah] This is “The Horsey Times” – [Dunk] Ok!
(Giggle) – [Leah] Way, way better, say- [They’re all laughing] – [Dunk] Why does it say HOPST? – Good news. Introducing… “Morse” – [Dunk] Morse. (Leah laughs) What is morse-?
Oh! – With this revolutionary new product…
(Dunkey laughs) Now
(Laughs) not only you but-
(bursts out laughing) (Dunkey laughs) As two additional friends – [Fluppy] Many people nowadays have… very low functioning eyeballs. [Woa] I got one of those. – [Leah] Me too! – [Fluppy] I’m- I’m here to solve this issue… – [Dunk] Impossible! “Glasses”? Ok! – Oh!!! – Wow! – [Fluppy] So… – [Dunk] I’ve heard of this product. – Tell me more about this. – [Fluppy] Now that we have these glasses… I will show you an example… of somebody wearing… (They’re giggling) – Nope! Nope! (Laughter) – Oh my gosh! (Laughter) – [Fluppy] All right! So… [OUTRO]
♫ “Baby Bird” – Bravely Default OST ♫


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