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The Crocodile Hunter Movie is ABSOLUTELY INSANE | Billiam


When I think of nostalgic shows from
the turn of the millennium I don’t always go to Pokemon yugioh or whatever
this garbage is. My time spent watching cartoons and weird sitcoms was equally
matched by my love for nature and Natural History documentaries. There was
so much good stuff back then, from the “Walking With” saga, Eye Witness, and
oh and you can bet I’m including those cryptozoology shows too! Give me that
weird purple monster quest eye! I live for weird purple monster quest eye! But the
center for my interest in the natural world, the planet, was Animal Planet. Early
2000s Animal Planet shows were bomb. From “The Planets Funniest Animals,” “The
Most Extreme,” and “Death Battle” before “Death Battle,” “Animal Faceoff…” Wow. but the anchor show… the show that opened the door for Animal Planet’s viability
as a channel, and the Gateway for my love of this genre… “The Jeff Corwin Experience” but today we’re talking about the Crocodile Hunter! The Crocodile Hunter
has to be the single most iconic nature series or even possibly documentary
series ever. Hosted by married couple Steve and Terri Irwin, the show’s basic
premise was inspired by their work for the Australian zoo which was founded by
Steve’s parents. Episode to episode the two would usually go into heavy
populated areas to capture and relocate rare or dangerous animals to a safer
place. Of course, the highlight of the show would be how up close and personal
Steve would get, often putting himself into very dangerous situations which he would acknowledge with his signature catchphrase, uh-oh! but his much more iconic phrase “crikey” would be the one to catch on. The
Crocodile Hunter show and the Irwins themselves became global phenomenons,
using most of the attention to funnel money back into their conservation
efforts and into the zoo itself, but like every other pop culture icon there was
merchandise, there were games, there were Late Show appearances, and of course cash grabs! at the peak of this popularity came a feature film, a Crocodile Hunter
theatrically released film: “Crocodile Hunter Collision Course,” which is one of the wildest most insanely creative films I have ever seen. So,
how would they adapt this documentary series into a feature film?
What would they go global going across the globe? Would they- would they have to
go hunt two crocodiles, and change the name of the movie to “Crocodiles Hunter?”
or maybe they would spice things up with an alligator!
No… no they took the “Crocodile Hunter,” a show about somebody showing you animals…
and turned it into a high-stakes political thriller. Oh, I didn’t expect the
best film ever made so soon So the movie starts with a spy satellite
exploding and it’s hard drive content crashing to earth. The US government is
all up in arms about this because I guess the content of the satellite’s hard
drive quote, “has enough documentation to change the power structure of the modern
world,” and what not… And I’m just over here like
this is this is pretty high stakes for Steve Irwin. Steve: Have a look at this.. poo! I’m gonna save this for later. I think what makes this
film so purely fascinating is the fact that it’s literally two separate films
that have very little to do with each other. Basically there are three storylines
going on. There’s a rural living Australian lady wanting to shoot a big
crocodile, two groups from two branches of the US government competing to find
the satellite’s hard drive, so their superiors can get promotions, and the
Irwin’s filming an episode of their show, totally unaware of the goings-on of the
other two plot lines. Steve: Woo-Hoo! Steve: Oof Steve: Ahhh, Crikey! While everything to do with the
government plotline is filmed with a studio-level crew, all of the Irwin’s
scenes were filmed on location in Australia presumably with his standard
documentary crew. That means the film is shot with two separate cameras and is
presented in two separate aspect ratios. You lying, stealing, stupid idiot- So, there’s this whole other plotline going on with this lady who owns a farm she
wants to murder this big ol’ lizard cuz it’s trying to eat her cows, but luckily
the Irwin’s get word and are called in to relocate it, but this isn’t any ordinary crocodile. This is a pretty big crocodile but, unknown to the
Irwin’s the croc has chomped and swallowed the hard drive from the
satellite, which crashed in Australia. The US government discovers Steve has the
hard drive in his possession which is charmingly referred to as “a satellite
ball,” which makes me smile because that has such a child writing science fiction
charm and innocence to it. So, while the Irwin’s think they’re just taking a
crocodile to a safer location, the US government believes that they are part
of some anti government conspiracy and must be stopped before they change the
entire political world. George Bush: You mean that guy in the khaki shorts? That dude on the
Discovery Channel. And the reason why they think this is because while the
Irwin’s have gone, you know, all around the world to film their documentary
series, they often happen to be in places during times of political turmoil and
unrest. Government Agent: in 98 they were in Kenya when our embassy was targeted and in East Timor
in ’99 just after the Civil War. holy heck that’s amazing! So it’s a race between
Steve and the US government to get to some pond to release the crocodile, but
Steve just thinks the US government are poachers. So he keeps running from them.
This is such a wild plot for the Crocodile Hunter Movie. Like every single
time I see a little text box that’s like “CIA headquarters,” I can’t help but to
laugh, beacuse it just it’s just so absurd. Like, I think you could make a Crocodile
Hunter movie be a simple plot like “poachers versus Steve Irwin!” That- that is
enough but this is a theatrical movie for theaters! So there had to be super
high stakes and those stakes just happened to be Steve “the calves”
Irwin using his money from.. the Animal Planet to fund political unrest
throughout the world.. Does the Animal Planet have that kind of capital? Do zoos
bring in that much Bank? but what makes it so beautiful is just the tonal
whiplash you get going from the government plotline to anything
involving the Irwins. It’s beautiful! This separation of production was
because of a simple, yet troublesome issue.. The Irwins can’t act. Terri: I can’t get it. She’s thrashing too hard. but that’s okay! That’s- that’s not what
they were known for, but- oh that wasn’t acting… MOM! That’s not to say the Irwins
weren’t involved in the other side of the production. Steve was actually the animal
Wrangler for the film. Even serving as a stunt double for the farmer character.
However, this is like a weird pro-wrestling version of Steve Irwin..
Steve Irwin would make a great pro wrestling persona. While his stunts or
handling of the crocodile were real, they were a more controlled set environment.
So proper lighting and angles could be achieved. So while he actually is in the
water going with that crocodile it was a more controlled environment so they
could continue working with the same crocodile for longer stretches as they
filmed. The crocodile itself is just a member of the zoo. So the Irwin’s and the
crew went out and filmed a basic informative documentary about some of
Australia’s wildlife, and their segments were chosen and edited in the film. The
script was rewritten so those particular animals chosen could participate in the
movie’s climax. It is just this weird weird production, but during most of the
production, the Irwins were actually left pretty unaware of what the film’s
final story would be. Which is why it comes across so genuine that they’re
unaware of the plot of the film in the film! Because they literally weren’t
aware of it! For the most part, the story is just this dull slow-moving bore you
to tears kind of thing but then the Irwins are on-screen and OH HELL YEAH
ANIMALS! but then the government agents are on screen, and it’s insufferably
boring. I just want to be death rolled by a crocodile just- just so I could feel
something kind of boring. then STEVE IS ON-SCREEN AND EVERYTHING IS GOOD IN THE WORLD! God, he was such a charisma engine! then the rural ladie is on screen and it’s just
like, “what’s her deal?” OH BOY STEVES GOT A SNAKE! Steve: What a beauty. I courted her, because I’m in love with her now. Uhhhh What we got here is a beautiful hole! and
that’s what stimulates the spider- this movie has… this movie has a lot going on. The scenes with all of the government agents are so boring. It feels like Austin
Powers with no jokes. Like, they take the story so seriously, but it’s
all so ridiculous. We might as well be watching a movie where one half is the
Irwins showing off the animals and the other half is an actual documentary
about the Discovery Networks accounting firm working out the budget for the next
season of the show. That’s how little drama it adds. Steve: Yelling Alright Steve…Steve, I got it! Alright, I hear you Steve! STEVE! STOP YELLING AT ME! The whole film is waiting for these
timelines to merge, but when everything finally comes to a head it doesn’t
disappoint. Steve: Steady mate. Steve: This bloak is off the Richter Scale! Haha yeeeeah! Steve doesn’t enter their world, they come to him and they say thank you when he punches them in the face. Steve
turning to the camera here has got to be one of the highlights in the entire
canon of cinema. It’s such a sobering reminder of what you’re watching: a bit
of a mess. Apparently Steve was just told the basic premise on the day of filming,
and they filmed and improvised all of the scenes together, just so Steve didn’t
really have to act, he could just pretend to react… which is kind of acting, but he is so nonchalant about. Steve: This bloak is trespassing on my territory It feels like it’s just any regular episode of the Crocodile Hunter! There’s even narration mid-fight! It’s just like this bizarre convergence where the reality of
the film comes into this weird strange pro-wrestling style pseudo-reality. I
mean the rest of the Irwin’s storyline is presented as if it’s an actual
documentary. Terri: we’re here in the outback on a field study trip
for the zoo. We’re hoping to find some of the more unlovable of Australia’s creatures
for research. Steve: Here’s your poo, mum. Steve: Danger, Danger, Danger. Government agent: AHHHHH Steve: See ya. Haha, is he trying to kill them? Steve: if they stay in
the water long enough, the hunters will become the hunted. That’s Nature’s Way. Oh My God! He’s trying to kill them! You don’t heck with Steve Irwin! The movie’s entire vibe is like when a character says “this isn’t a movie,” in a movie. I
can’t think of any other film that has such a strange view of reality. Maybe
Charlie Kaufman’s ‘Adaptation?’ Wait a minute.. you snake oil seller, lying,
stealing, son of a b- Steve and Terry eventually get the government agents to
beat the hell out of each other for the sake of the environment and Steve being
the weirdo he is digs the satellite ball out of the crocodiles excrement, and
says “what’s this? well I don’t give a HOOT!” And he chucks it over a cliff! But
then it finally happens the government finally catches Steve. Fortunately Steve and the US
government come to an agreement and the government agents and the farmer are
forced to work at the zoo, because I needed closure to that story. The movie
ends with a blooper reel, just to confirm that these events are not canon to the
Crocodile Hunter lore. It’s one of those like side anime movie spin-offs. Then, we
get a special remix rendition Elton Jon’s Crocodile Rock performed by The
Baha Men, just in case you wanted to know who let the dogs out. Wow. What a movie.
“The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course” is such a trip. It’s such a trip. I sincerely
cannot think of another movie that’s pieced together like this. I- I’m trying.
For the most part, this movie is just like a fever dream. It’s this real thing
that- that feels like it was pieced together using stock footage, but if you
grew up watching “The Crocodile Hunter” like I did, it’s actually a genuinely
great way to revisit it. Just feel free to talk or skip over the government
parts. You really don’t need to see those. Alright, so this video has been on my
list for a while I’ve been wanting to dive into this world for a long time but
but I could not in good conscience make this video at this time without
mentioning the Australia bush-fires. I mean it’s too related to the topic. As
I’m sure all of you know the wildfires that made its way through Australia
earlier this year and towards the end of last year has done insane amounts of
damage. So in the description down below, I linked the World Animal Protection
charity, which is one of the highest rated charities tackling this issue from
a standpoint of environmentalism and conservationism. So I I know I can’t
convince those of you who will never donate to this cause but I’m going to
appeal to the people like me who always say they’re going to donate to a cause
and just kind of forget. Go! Go right now and do it donate whatever is comfortable
to you, if this is something that you were intending on doing already. This is
an ongoing issue even though it’s kind of out of the news cycle at this point.
You know, this restoration effort is going to take decades. So, if you can,
go check it out in the description down below. And back to the regular video. Now,
if you excuse me I’m going to go do everything Steve Irwin told me not to do
at home. So, thanks. Hey! Crikey. Here, we got a ball python, a snake
that never forgets to LIKE, comment, and subscribe right on this video. right here. Now ball pythons are not venomous, but I wanted to
put myself into more direct danger. So what I did is I took venom and I put it
all over his teeth, just so I could be dangerous and do exactly what I see on
TV. Other than that, yeah, have a good day and I will see you next week

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